I was walking through the forest just a bit down on my luck
My smokes had fallen through the hole in my pocket
and the bossman he laid me off last week
When I seen something hopping right by a tree
What could it be?

I found an old frog I found an old frog
Sitting on a log I found an old frog
He hopped up the tree quite gracefully he said Mister do you have a lighter for me?

I said Mister Frog now I got a light but I lost my smokes and would you mind
if I take a toke of whatever you go what are you smoking tobacco or pot?
The frog said I don’t smoke no cigarettes it gives me the hiccups and a heavy chest
and I don’t smoke no reefer too this right here’s just a little bit of K2

So me and the frog well we lit it up and then we huffed and puffed until we coughed up blood
and then we huffed and puffed and we huffed some more
Rolling ‘round laughing on the forest floor
Well I found an old frog I found an old frog
Lying on the log with the old frog
I said Mister Frog a penny for your thoughts
He said 9/11 was a government plot

I said Mister Frog now I don’t agree this is the land of the brave and the home of the free
Now I’m not a huge fan of Uncle Sam but I can’t believe he’d attack his own land
So the frog he borrowed by iPhone and pulled up a picture of an army drone
doing loopty loops around Ground Zero I said
Mister Frog that’s just a UFO he said
What’s it doing on that day at that time in that place I said
Mister Frog I think you smoked too much he said
Aw shit we’re just getting started

I found an old frog I found an old frog
I used to have a job now I got a frog
I found an old frog I found an old frog
doing funny drugs with the old frog

So the frog he hopped up in my hand he said
Lick my back taste my glands
So I licked him twice and then I started to see the forest turn into a old prairie
With golden fields and silver skies purple clouds above my eyes
but the soil beneath my feet was tar my shoes got stuck I couldn’t walk too far
and then all ‘round me started to rise oil derricks for miles and miles
Helicopters patrolled the skies I seen a barbed wire fence ‘bout fifty feet high
I seen a passenger pigeon flying by I spit on the ground and he shit in my eye I said
Mister Frog you gotta make this stop he said
Lick my ass kiss my hocks
So I licked him twice and then the forest returned
The frog asked me what have you learned

I said Mister Frog now I’ve seen the past the present the future and I know at last
Mister Gas Company controls what I see and he’s in bed with Lady Liberty
So let’s kick back their sheets and go do something about it
Ride around town in a truck and we’ll shout it
We can tell the folks the truth and we’ll do it our way
Well Mister Frog what do you say?

But the frog was real quiet he just pointed to the skies
Pointed at a drone about fifty feet high flying low and slow right above the tree line
The frog tossed me back my phone he shouted
HEY UP THERE THAT’S HIS IT AIN’T MINE
You see now Uncle Sam he didn’t think it too clever that my search said
Building Seven so the drone scooped me up to Guantanamo Bay
That’s where I’m now and that’s where I’ll stay

Now I hope you all enjoyed this little tale of mine
and I hope you learned something if you didn’t it’s fine
but if there is one lesson you can find in this song
Never take no drugs from any fucking frog

I found an old frog I found an old frog
I used to have a job now I got a frog
I found an old frog I found an old frog
Man I wish I never found that motherfucking frog